Taking The Pressure Off

December 17, 2009

Every morning for the past few weeks, the first thing I have done is Googled Hy Cite Corporation and Royal Prestige. And each morning I have found myself more and more in a slump because of my inability to move my social media sites up the ranks of Google. I continuously blame myself for actions that I cannot control, and instantly I am motivated to try harder – yet more disappointed when my actions fail again.

I put so much pressure on myself each and every day, and am pretty sure I have since I was little.  I always had to make the team, be the best worker, get the better grades, graduate from the better college, etc.  I have never once sat back and said to myself, “it’s fine. You’re doing great. The things you do in life should only be to make yourself happy, no one else. You only need to prove things to yourself.”

The reason I say this is because someday if I am able to have my own startup, I think this is going to effect my company.  I wonder if I will ever be happy or ever settle for something – the state of my business.  My main issue is that I continuously feel I can do better, and my reasoning is “because I deserve it.” But I am trying to be better for who? Myself? My Family? My employer? Who?

I have this complete problem of obstinacy.  While it is a positive thing when it comes the my goal of running a marathon next September, it is a terrible thing for my career.  I have to be okay with failure.  I need to know that I can pick myself up again and restart my path.  No one is truly successful in life without having a failed a few times. No one is successful until someone doesn’t like them. These things are all positives – now I just have to believe them, and believe in myself.

I do not feel like the goals I have in life are unrealistic however, I feel like once I accomplish a goal it is not enough and I need something more.  I feel like I have a disease. It is not greed, because the money is not a factor for me. I could be happy at $26,000 a year or $260,000 a year. Either way, my lifestyle will not change much from what is it now. My feeling of dissatisfaction comes from noticing how something can be improved – that really isn’t bad, is it? I am the type of person that when given a suggestion, I want to be able to respond with “yeah, we notice that and are already working to fix it.” – Although even if I didn’t notice, I would probably say it anyways.

I am not sure if I will ever be satisfied in life, and I do not think I can change my obstinacy at this point.  What I need to learn in order to truly be successful in life is how to deal with the fact that somethings aren’t going to be better – they are okay the way they are. This could take years!

Like always, before publishing I re-read my posts. This one feels good – like I just finished a therapy session.


One Response to “Taking The Pressure Off”

  1. This is one of my favorite posts from you. I think you need to define what would be success for you this year, and then aim for it.

    I think it’s really really hard to not worry about what family thinks of us. I don’t think I got there until I was 40. And sometimes I still slip.

    But the best thing you can do is have an internal sense of who you are and where you’re going. Then you are less likely to feel like you’re not on course.


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